she blew it. she totally blew it.


haish.. i really dont know, what i have done wrong.. why is it always me? i cant do this, i cant do that. all i can do is to listen to her her her. this really suck. i cant take it anymore. i shouldnt be crying but i cant take it. haish.. she expects me to do this and that when she does nothing at all. oh wait, she do, and that is to order people-particularly me around.


and even after i've done everything, i cant do what i want. just now, she blamed me coz she put in the wrong ingredients. she said i wasnt sincere while cutting the onions. how unreasonable is that! what do i have got anything to do with her putting in the wrong ingredients!? and when i told her i wanted to play bball with gray and kakdayah, the younger ones want to come too. i said no.. then she was like whats so wrong with bringing along your siblings? then i told kakdayah, i said that i feel like i'm running a childcare. coz i've been doing every single chore at home! i have to do every single thing. even if its not my duty or responsibility to do it, i still have to do it!

and even after i finish doing everything without complaining, she is just not satisfied. there is always smth that she wants to nag at me about. the slightest thing even can be such a fucking big deal to her. this is seriously ridiculous. i cant run, i cant play ball. what can i do you tell me! rot in this stinking house?!!

this is when she totally hurt me. she said smth like i didnt take care of jannah. jannah has a low IQ. so she has to go to a minds school. she said i dont handle jannah well. i was soooooo insulted when she said that. i made her stop talking and i asked jannah "who is the one who combed and tie your hair for you before you go to school? who is the one who put powder on your face before you go to school? who is the one who made sure you have smth to eat before you go to school? who is the one who buys you your drink? who is the one who sends you to school? who is the one who told you to say your prayers before you board the bus?" and jannah said : kak huda.. then i just told her that i'm really insulted when she said all that to me then walked straight to my room and locked myself in. doesnt she know just how much i love and care for jannah?? couldnt she remember me telling her that i will be the one taking care of jannah when she's older?

it really hurt me.. i cant take it anymore.. i hate my life! i hate it hate it hate it! why doesnt she appreciate my hardwork? my effort? huh? why is it that every single thing i do is not enough? huh? why is it that everytime i'm nice towards her, she'll treat me so harshly?? why do i feel like i'm a sin? why?! haish.....



i feel like i dont belong here anymore...



YA ALLAH, ampunilah dosaku dan tabahkanlah hati hamba mu ini, sesungguhnya aku tidak berupaya untuk melalui dugaan ini seorang diri...

I'm nothing but a sad little birdie who likes to dye my feathers pink, or on some occasions, purple. Sometimes I feel like loving beige to the maximumest level but then my past would creep back on me and tell me, with extreme torture that my wings should be, well, pink. Occae et harumb bet theap. Est praesent luptatum. Ha! Bis nostrud exercitation ullam mmodo consequet. Duis aute in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. At vver eos et accusam dignissum qui blandit est praesent luptatum delenit aigue excepteur sint occae. Et harumd dereud facilis est er expedit distinct. Et harumd dereud facilis est er expedit distinct. Yoii rockem sockem mow-em yown. Manarie li que vaqeriao. Occae et harumb bet theap. Est praesent luptatum. Dignissum qui blandit est praesent luptatum delenit aigue excepteur sint occae. INSERT YOUR PROFILE HERE.

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