Gumballs

life can be a bitch, love can be a disaster

Monday, July 13, 2009 @ 5:52 PM

yup yup, i'm smiling...

well, it is contradicting. i know. but wth right, i know eventually this will all end. its just a matter of time (that could take years!!!). and whats important is that i dont stop trying although most of the time it hurts when the response that i get is the last thing i was expecting. i know at some point, i am going to give up but i'm just not ready to let go of the friendship that we have or should i say we had? its sad, but yeah its retribution. i deserve it. like BIG TIME. i was a blood-sucking girl who doesnt appreciate people's friendly company. it took me years to be close to them and then after an incident, we went our seperate ways. why? its all because of me.

i have apologised, but you still dont know my reasons. i have explanations, not excuses. but you wouldnt listen. you feel like as though you were being dumbed. but thats not true.. if you would just listen to me.. haish.. no point saying it here.

the thing that i wish you know is that,

you are trully, a blessing in disguise to me. i should love you for being an eye-opener. however, i should despise you for doing this to me. i dont mean that in a bad way. i mean, i deserve it but a chance is all i'm asking for...

its hard ey? i hate being a girl sometimes. coz girls are way too emotional. even though its hurting, sometimes we just prefer to keep it within and not tell anyone. we just wanna go through the pain alone. we just wanna hide in one corner and CRY as much as we want to. haish.. i was really on the verge of crying just now. my tears were about to fall, roll down my cheeks heavily like a waterfall. i wanted to burst into tears and cry my heart out. only God, i mean God and not JL, knows how badly it was hurting me. but everything was fine after i let it out to shidah and played soccer with farid and fhazrin. n hey! it didnt hit my butt okay!

shidah, i'm sorry for adding burden onto your shoulders, i knw you have your own problems too.. but sometimes, i just dont know to who else i cn let it out to, for you are the one who knws me best. but i'm sorry, i'll try not to add on more to that yeah..

i just gotta smile...

smile though your heart is aching

smile even though its breaking

when there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

if you smile with your fear and sorrow

smile and maybe tomorrow

you'll find that life is still worthwhile

if you just light up your face with gladness

hide every trace of sadness

although a tear may be ever so near

thats the time you must keep on trying

and smile

for what's the use of crying?

-Charlie Chaplin

Dear God,

please do give me strength to go through this

for i dont think i can go through it without your help and guidance..

and if i am really at fault, do punish me,

but not in this manner please...

huda.

Labels: bullets in my heart that is exactly how it feels